why am i so average?

sudden enormous feelings of nostalgia and lost opportunities have made me realize how mediocre and un-special i am. my past is littered with so many if onlys. if only i were more conscientious and diligent. if only i had heart and dedication. if only i were successful.
perhaps i am discontented with the route life has taken.
but there are so many things to be grateful for. the experiences i have had are priceless, carving an intense psyche out of my bland narrow-minded mind.
weyling, i am suffering this semester and one of the things that's keeping me going is the thought of a recreated past with the both of you.