end of transmission

i'm starting new blogs! let me know if you want the new address.

trophy dad fun!

another day, another rejection

i wish my grad school pursuit was going better.

a realization

i have an inherently bad habit of alienating people who genuinely care about me while trying to curry favor with people who don't.

coming home

whatever that might mean when home is two suitcases, a backpack and a laptop. but when i say coming home, i actually mean embarking on another eurovoyage with emil k. dc to london to fabulous summer vacation that i should start scrimping for right now. no more drinks at bars, no more eating out, no more impetuous buys just sleep, eat cheaply and worky work.

dang it, i've gone and spilled my entire mug of tea on my floor leaving an unsightly yellow blob on my bed skirt. not to worry, i can pull this off ... two more months of living like a squatter in a vanilla obsessed country where nothing means everything and reality means nothing.

plans:
may 13: birthday!
may 14: last day of work
may 17-21: boston with wind and tly
may 30: i'm outta dc and on my way to lonbomb.
may 31: the rest of my life

cigarettes and alcohol

i distinctly remember my first cigarette; it was in my bathroom at dunman. i had purchased a pack from the store under the hdb blocks in a frenzy stemming from loneliness and a desperation to be 'cool.' i lit up sitting on my toilet and smoked in irregular fits, unsure if i should inhale and worried that i would be found out and expelled. over the next months, i'd slip out a cigarette from the pack (which i stored in my closet) every time i felt horrible. smoking to me was never a habit but an escape and i am reminded of that every time i take a drag of a cigarette.

there is probably nothing better than a bottle of red wine and a few good dvds on a snowy day. i spent the better half of today in an inebriated state, free of worry and filled with good food and drink. it certainly is a blessing to have so much in one's life.

how the wicked thrive....

i spend my days waiting for epiphanies but find myself settling for trite musings that make me realize i am less talented than was originally thought. i live in this self-defined space where nothing is sacred, everything is valuable and instinct comes before reason so i find myself in situations where i am thrust back and forth and my inability to struggle or rise against helps me to go with the flow of uncertainty. it is in this petulance that i lose myself in all sense of the word and i put on another self , careless, uninhibited, sensual and best of all, happy.

goodbye 2006

it really is that time again when everyone reflects that the year went by really quickly and that they felt like they just celebrated the new year yesterday. but how to encapsulate 2006 for me? my first few days of the year were spent on distant shores lonely and melancholic and the last days of 2006 is a mirror of that. in between, i commenced living my life and struck out on my own to great aplomb. it was a great year and i'm thankful for it. happy new year everyone.