Something i got off the net while searching for pointers on writing my university application essay

GETTING OFF ON THE WRONG FOOT-- --IT'S HARD TO DO WORSE THAN THESE OPENING SENTENCES

1. Sure, lots of kids like to start fires, but how many of them have a propane torch, gallons of accelerants and a basket of dry rags . . .
2. One score minus three years ago, and nine months, my father and mother, deciding to form a more perfect union, had sex, and that's about how it all got started with me . . . . .

3. This is Shanda writing, one of the 25 personalities possessed by Ellen Kurtz, who is the nominal applicant for admission . . . .

4. among the many things that are the result of imperialism racism and kapitalism are standard punktuation grammar and spelling which all serve to put the entire human race into a sausage machine . . . .

5. Coach says . . . .

6. Of arms and of the woman and of Cindy Bindlemeyer and her college application essay, sing, O Muse . . . .

7. How's about I write page 342 of YOUR autobiography: "After flunking out of medical school, Kermit Dowling decides to pursue a career in college admissions . . . ."

8. Take me: Please, pretty please, pretty-pretty please, super-dooper pretty-pretty-pretty please . . . . .