life plan

not so much. I was not planning on posting an update but my roommate plays Death Cab for Cutie and the room is filled with melancholy and wistfulness.
I read the blogs of everyone I knew from home who are overseas now and I catch myself thinking, shit, they're having so much fun. And then I do a little jig to feel better about myself and balance is restored.
Virginia Woolf is the shit. And by the shit, I mean I want to flush "To The Lighthouse" down the toilet because I am not understanding it. Please give me a math problem now.
At Messiah, all I have is my so-called intelligence (although this would mean that back home I had nothing) to live for. Nothing else is going for me. And when I get a bad grade or a snide remark on a mid-term exam from the prof, I feel like a castrated beast, powerless and completely inferior. Let's not get any more bad grades.

why am i so average?

sudden enormous feelings of nostalgia and lost opportunities have made me realize how mediocre and un-special i am. my past is littered with so many if onlys. if only i were more conscientious and diligent. if only i had heart and dedication. if only i were successful.
perhaps i am discontented with the route life has taken.
but there are so many things to be grateful for. the experiences i have had are priceless, carving an intense psyche out of my bland narrow-minded mind.
weyling, i am suffering this semester and one of the things that's keeping me going is the thought of a recreated past with the both of you.

kerry 2004

this blog endorses sen. john kerry for president